Unaware……………………

People all around were so engrossed conversing in groups their own, where we had none. If we hadn't sat together, i would be occupied in watching the squirrels hurry around and nothing else. At lunch, a few days back, when i'd least expected it, we spoke about it - loneliness. I remember that the very first time i'd spoken to her, i knew she had as many people in her life as i have in mine.


A little human universe we build for ourselves; hand-picking people from around us, we let our lives revolve around them.. Placing them in the center of our being, we try to shapen our lives..a purpose we try to find..a meaning we all look out for..; a name, we give it..new relationships we define..

Sometimes when you start awing at how beautiful a universe you've built, it suddenly turns ugly.. And you notice that its an island you have been building! A misfitting piece you've built, it feels..and you are left mercilessly to ponder over what jigsaw puzzle it was that you were trying to solve..!


There has always been darkness here....cacophony..harsh cryptics..obscure thoughts...eyes-strained-tired of fighting the gloom..and a heart that thumps faster everytime there's a knock at the door..anxiousness arising deep within..seeking solace..looking for a li'l rest from all the grief it has bore..a vent for all the sorrows buried within..a li'l peace..a li'l love..


I woke up in complete darkness today. It was pitch black. And then I realized that I was not in my bed. I could feel my cell phone in my pocket. The light from its screen showed me that I was in a small circular room, with stone walls. There were no windows and no doors. The stone walls had footholds that led up.


I decided to use it to climb my way out. Half way up, I still could see no light. I had this fleeting thought of losing my grip and plummeting to the ground. But I pushed it aside. Just then, mercifully, I noticed that the passage was becoming less steep and it felt like I was crawling instead of climbing now.


I could make out a faint light, at the far end of the tunnel. Hope and faith does bring a new leash of life. Very soon I was much nearer the circular doorway of light. The fresh air and the smell of wet mud felt inviting to my dulled senses.


And everytime a lightning flashes,it all turns magically silver - the rain,the dimly lit b,the rims of the umbrella,the raindrops dripping from its edges and those in my cupped hand - all colored silver..like the centaur blood.

And the very next moment things revert back to the colors reflecting the dimly lit street.

A distant vehicle colors it all again - golden orange.Golden orange colored everything for an instant.Much like relationships,i would say [maybe wrongly]..a quick flash of colors and then mostly ordinariness.


Despite all the sadistic grimness in solitude and endless cravings,there are always things which can bring back a smile....like the rains and the silver colored everything when the lightning flashes..the cupped raindrops and a grand delusion that it would turn into a pearl someday..

The day must have progressed, because the light was really bright. Too bright! My eyes hurt. I tried to look, but couldn’t. Even squinting did not help.

I could hear voices now. Voices, coming from outside. Animated and loud. It sounded strange after having been used to the quiet for so long. I looked at my immediate surroundings. I did not need the cell phone light anymore. The bright light from outside, gave my surroundings a very cozy and warm feel. It wasn’t that bad after all. 

It was peaceful, serene, safe and warm.


There are always a few moments which i will savour a lifetime..
There are always a few things which gets me singing again

And then I knew that I am a lucky girl. I had the option- to climb. And I have the choice- to step out. It is my call. On my time. While the world buzzes by- unaware…